27/12/20
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Is blogging still relevant in 2020? What is it, 2007? Are friendship bracelets cool again?
I’ll be honest, this site was originally meant to be a portfolio where I could easily share my works on the internet with just a few clicks and ‘let the work do the talking’. For creatives, it’s almost become an unspoken rule that your portfolio is the single most important marketing tool for self-promotion. It’s a showcase of your blood, sweat, talents, and triumphs; essentially your brand that you should be proud of. But there’s something about showcasing all these triumphs and the breadth of what I do without seeing the facets of my personality at play that doesn’t sit right with me. This might sound like a terrible idea for many, but I don’t want this to be yet another case of smokescreen deception that I’m sure we’re all no stranger to. TL;DR I don’t want this site to become a highlight reel–we already have Instagram for that.
In a world where we see the programming of others advertising their lives how they want, we somehow find ourselves looped into the comparison and questionable self-worth. I, apologetically, have spent the last two (three even? I can’t count) years of my life in this rabbit hole. Instead of broadcasting my authenticity, I mimicked what I envied, and in turn, gave my worth to others who don’t even know me, and I completely lost myself. It wasn’t until I realize the hard, reflective truth that I was doing myself a disservice by contorting myself to fit into boxes I was never meant to fit in that I had to slowly learn to find a way to always be enough for myself because even in the many instances where I did end up shrinking myself to fit into these spaces and speak their speak, it was never enough for them.
And now that I’m in the process of unlearning everything I’ve been conditioned to learn, I’m left to sit in this space of transition. To sit with the discomfort, to sift in myself what weighs against the mesh, what grits against me, and what I must shake off. This space can be so stifling and confrontational if you’ve been functioning on autopilot and have long pushed these buried feelings to a far crevice of your mind in order to be able to function in society. But what’s helped is to remind myself that emotional pain comes in waves, and there will be a pause between the waves. And if I can’t necessarily stop these waves all the time, I can learn how to surf. Right, take it from me – someone who can’t actually swim.
At present, this site is still a work in progress and is best viewed on desktop (think ~fun~ cursors and draggable elements – I’m tapping into my inner child here). In an ideal world, there wouldn't be any compatibility issues, either in relationships or in coding. But I know if I waited to update this site only when I’m 100% pleased with how it looks, it’d be another 4(0) years. As Brené Brown puts it, "I am a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring good-enoughist." So hi, my name’s Rachel and if you didn’t already figure this part out either from making it this far or my novel-length Instagram captions, I’m a complete over-sharer. I can’t say I’m the most consistent person when it comes to writing, but when I do, it’s profoundly therapeutic for me. And that’s what I want to keep doing – relentlessly pursue the things that make me feel a semblance of wholeness again. At the end of the day, beyond my characteristics, personality traits, skills, experiences, and all the self-deprecating jokes I make, I want to ensure that I’m truly living by embracing all that my heart feels, 100% of the time. Wherever that takes me and whoever that makes me.
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An Introduction
Is blogging still relevant in 2020? What is it, 2007? Are friendship bracelets cool again?
I’ll be honest, this site was originally meant to be a portfolio where I could easily share my works on the internet with just a few clicks and ‘let the work do the talking’. For creatives, it’s almost become an unspoken rule that your portfolio is the single most important marketing tool for self-promotion. It’s a showcase of your blood, sweat, talents, and triumphs; essentially your brand that you should be proud of. But there’s something about showcasing all these triumphs and the breadth of what I do without seeing the facets of my personality at play that doesn’t sit right with me. This might sound like a terrible idea for many, but I don’t want this to be yet another case of smokescreen deception that I’m sure we’re all no stranger to. TL;DR I don’t want this site to become a highlight reel–we already have Instagram for that.
In a world where we see the programming of others advertising their lives how they want, we somehow find ourselves looped into the comparison and questionable self-worth. I, apologetically, have spent the last two (three even? I can’t count) years of my life in this rabbit hole. Instead of broadcasting my authenticity, I mimicked what I envied, and in turn, gave my worth to others who don’t even know me, and I completely lost myself. It wasn’t until I realize the hard, reflective truth that I was doing myself a disservice by contorting myself to fit into boxes I was never meant to fit in that I had to slowly learn to find a way to always be enough for myself because even in the many instances where I did end up shrinking myself to fit into these spaces and speak their speak, it was never enough for them.
And now that I’m in the process of unlearning everything I’ve been conditioned to learn, I’m left to sit in this space of transition. To sit with the discomfort, to sift in myself what weighs against the mesh, what grits against me, and what I must shake off. This space can be so stifling and confrontational if you’ve been functioning on autopilot and have long pushed these buried feelings to a far crevice of your mind in order to be able to function in society. But what’s helped is to remind myself that emotional pain comes in waves, and there will be a pause between the waves. And if I can’t necessarily stop these waves all the time, I can learn how to surf. Right, take it from me – someone who can’t actually swim.
At present, this site is still a work in progress and is best viewed on desktop (think ~fun~ cursors and draggable elements – I’m tapping into my inner child here). In an ideal world, there wouldn't be any compatibility issues, either in relationships or in coding. But I know if I waited to update this site only when I’m 100% pleased with how it looks, it’d be another 4(0) years. As Brené Brown puts it, "I am a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring good-enoughist." So hi, my name’s Rachel and if you didn’t already figure this part out either from making it this far or my novel-length Instagram captions, I’m a complete over-sharer. I can’t say I’m the most consistent person when it comes to writing, but when I do, it’s profoundly therapeutic for me. And that’s what I want to keep doing – relentlessly pursue the things that make me feel a semblance of wholeness again. At the end of the day, beyond my characteristics, personality traits, skills, experiences, and all the self-deprecating jokes I make, I want to ensure that I’m truly living by embracing all that my heart feels, 100% of the time. Wherever that takes me and whoever that makes me.
