14/5/21
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Sometimes I forget about the existence of this space. Until it hits me that I actually miss talking into the void, albeit wrestling with how much I should share on here – mostly because I've been finding more joy in privacy and trying to find the right balance between sharing and reserving certain thoughts/moments for me and future me.
It feels like a lot has happened in the last 3 months and my brain is still trying to grapple with it. One of the key events was turning 26 last month. Not that grandiose plans were made. Or that it was the first time in a while that I was home to celebrate it, but the way I found the strength on this day be so viscerally palpable. I remembered sharing with T how this birthday in particular was unlike anything else. It was the most balanced and secure I’ve been than the birthdays before; finally owning the number that’s been haunting, chiding, and soothing me.
Whenever things would get tough, I would make changes to myself physically instead of inwardly. And it’s crazy how much can change when you just look and pay attention to what’s lurking within. 2020 was a journey of finding true fulfillment and enduring joy. It was the year I rediscovered/redefined/reconciled my idea of love. And I learned how to direct some of it towards myself. It was the year of the great big pause and it showed me that the things that drain you and make you sad, aren’t the big picture. The big picture is realizing that the days we live are nuanced, and there’s no such thing as a 100% “good” or “bad” day. Life isn’t black and white but there is a set of balances – the equation will always find a way to balance itself, nature does it all the time. Everything is just an impermanent passing moment that makes up part of the grand trajectory of the humble human experience that we all get to participate in.
I’m thankful we never stop arriving.
That things keep making sense along the way.
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Finding Equilibrium
Sometimes I forget about the existence of this space. Until it hits me that I actually miss talking into the void, albeit wrestling with how much I should share on here – mostly because I've been finding more joy in privacy and trying to find the right balance between sharing and reserving certain thoughts/moments for me and future me.
It feels like a lot has happened in the last 3 months and my brain is still trying to grapple with it. One of the key events was turning 26 last month. Not that grandiose plans were made. Or that it was the first time in a while that I was home to celebrate it, but the way I found the strength on this day be so viscerally palpable. I remembered sharing with T how this birthday in particular was unlike anything else. It was the most balanced and secure I’ve been than the birthdays before; finally owning the number that’s been haunting, chiding, and soothing me.
Whenever things would get tough, I would make changes to myself physically instead of inwardly. And it’s crazy how much can change when you just look and pay attention to what’s lurking within. 2020 was a journey of finding true fulfillment and enduring joy. It was the year I rediscovered/redefined/reconciled my idea of love. And I learned how to direct some of it towards myself. It was the year of the great big pause and it showed me that the things that drain you and make you sad, aren’t the big picture. The big picture is realizing that the days we live are nuanced, and there’s no such thing as a 100% “good” or “bad” day. Life isn’t black and white but there is a set of balances – the equation will always find a way to balance itself, nature does it all the time. Everything is just an impermanent passing moment that makes up part of the grand trajectory of the humble human experience that we all get to participate in.
I’m thankful we never stop arriving.
That things keep making sense along the way.
